JEWISH HUMOR 

Author's disclaimer: This sketch might be called a kind of period
play, since it addresses a type of situation that a Rabbi might have
met in the mid-20th century, rather than one likely to arise today,
although the setting is contemporary. Rather, the purpose of this
parable is to look at the past in order to recognize patterns in the
quest for inclusion and equality that might be relevant to the present
also. All characters and locations are fictional, and I have chosen
the name Fernhurst Links Association (inspired by Gertrude Stein's
novel Fernhurst) to avoid using the name of an actual golf society
(e.g. the distinguished Fernhurst Golf Society in the UK, totally
unrelated to anything in this story) -- Googling can help!


-------------------------------------------------------------
Partners In Empathy: The Rabbi at Fernhurst Links Association
-------------------------------------------------------------

One fine Thursday afternoon, the Rabbi Roxanna Stone headed up to a
palatial estate somewhere in rural Minnesota which was the site of a
club called the Fernhurst Links Association. She was there to offer a
bit of deft diplomacy in resolving a dispute about whether Jews were
welcome at the upcoming annual Tournament taking place the last
weekend in September.

Walking up to the main clubhouse, she was warmly greeted by Abigail
Exeter, Fernhurst's Vice President. The two went into a very
comfortable room where a number of people were seated around a table,
and found chairs to join the circle.


-----------------------------
1. Getting our facts straight
-----------------------------

Abigail began, "Now, Rabbi, maybe you've read our latest Policy
Statement. It's very important, if we're going to resolve this
situation, that we all have our facts straight, wouldn't you agree?"

Rabbi Stone replied, "Please call me Roxanna, we're all equals here.
I did read your statement, and it made me wonder what all the
excitement is about. I've been involved in my share of boycotts,
including the one against apartheid, but I'm wondering why people
think this one is necessary against your Tournament."

Abigail said approvingly, "We wonder too, and I'll read a few of the
most important passages."

She continued: "The truth is, Jews have always been a part of
Tournament. Each year they compete as golfers, watch the action, serve
on our maintenance crews to prepare the course and fix any glitches
during Tourney itself, and even live Tweet the action. It's true that
this is a predominantly Lutheran community, and our heritage matters
to us a great deal, but this does not mean that Catholics and
Anabaptists are not welcome and valued guests. In this same spirit,
there are Jews who come to support and improve rather than take away
from our American-focused culture."


-------------------------------------
2. The purpose of Tournament revealed
-------------------------------------

Rabbi Roxanna smiled. "Well, this all seems a tempest in a teapot, and
I'll be happy to learn more about any tensions and help mediate. It
sounds like all you want us Jews to do is be good guests and
understand that this is an event where we're supporting cast rather
than at center stage -- unless one of us scores a double eagle or
something!"

Abigail smiled too, but a bit cautiously: "I'm glad you understand why
a boycott is so unnecessary, but things do get a bit more complex. Our
idea of inviting you was to have you take part in our dialogue called
Partners In Empathy, or PIE for short -- `As American as Apple Pie.'"

Roxanna replied, "Well, I'd love to learn about all the ins and outs
of this fine event, but having Lutherans, Jews, and the whole gang get
along for one weekend of golf each year doesn't sound that horribly
complicated. And your statement makes it pretty clear we're welcome as
long as we're good guests, so why a boycott?"

Abigail paused, and became more solemn: "Well it's a question of what
we call the purpose of Tournament. It's not a policy, mind you, only a
focus, but our purpose is to gather for one weekend each year at
Tourney as a space for what we call Gentile-Raised Americans, or GRA
for short. You'll probably hear that abbreviation from time to time as
we get into our dialogue."

Roxanna paused, and then said, "Yes, in theory, your purpose could be
a problem -- except that your latest statement says that it really
isn't, because you've said that we Jews who are good guests "come to
support and improve rather than take away from our American-focused
culture." And if you're boasting to the public about how we make your
event better, then obviously you consider us welcome. We could debate
about whether maybe sometime you might want to revise the language of
your purpose to avoid any misunderstanding, but I'm more interested in
the facts on the ground, and I think most reasonable Jews and people
in general share my view."


----------------------------------------
3. The dialogue starts: Getting teed off
----------------------------------------

Abigail was quite pensive: "Let's start the dialogue, which is the
best way for all of us to learn more. What we'll do is called the
`Scale of Justice.' Our focus in on the purpose of Tournament, and how
you feel about keeping it as is, or changing it. Roxanna, I see you
have your hand raised."

"Yes, just a very simple statement. Why don't we start from your
policy statement, which makes it clear that Jews are welcome, and iron
out any problems or misunderstandings that have come up in past years,
and figure out how to avoid or minimize them in the future? It's a bit
like in California, where you may know that they still have their
Proposition 8 marriage ban on the books, but Lesbian and Gay couples
have been getting married for over a year without any fuss at all. Why
would anyone want to boycott California over the marriage ban, or have
a big debate all over again about marriage equality? It's a done
deal."

Abigail became more assertive: "Of course I understand that you have
your ideas about changing our policy, but that's not really the
goal of this Partners In Empathy process. It's to listen to each
other's truths about the purpose of Tournament, and develop better
skills for dialogue. And those are skills valuable each day, not just
one weekend a year."

Another club member, Tanya, turned to Roxanna in a friendly way: "We
know that this is all new to you, Roxanna, but once we get into the
swim of it, you'll understand the process and get a better sense of
our wonderful Tourney. If you'll pardon the pun, my advice would be to
relax, go with the flow, and not get too teed off if you hear an
opinion where your experience differs."


-----------------------------------------
4. Scales of Justice: What's in a number?
-----------------------------------------

Abigail continued: "What we ask each of you to do is to envision a
Scale of Justice that goes from 1 to 10. Here a `1' means that you are
totally in favor of changing our purpose so that all Jews will be
welcome at Tourney. And a `10' means that you are totally committed to
keeping the GRA purpose -- an event for Gentile-Raised Americans --
exactly as is. Around a `5' means that you are right in the middle,
and can understand and relate to both positions. This doesn't have to
be mathematically precise. After you give your number, you'll make a
brief statement about a truth in this matter important to you that you
feel it's important for everyone else here to hear and validate.

"One point which might be helpful, since Jews often seem to excel in
science and math. In picking your number on the scale, it's okay in a
pinch to add a single decimal, like `I'm a 7.5.' However, we really
don't encourage this, because it leads to the erasure of the natural
numbers, which is an issue for our family values. I mean, lots more
people have 1 or 2 children than have 1.6 children. And it gets worse
yet when people throw in the square root of two, or Pi, or Euler's e.
At Tourney, in between the golf rounds, lots of attendees play
guessing games of different sorts -- and in my opinion, if this were
really a Jewish-inclusive event, `Pick a number from 1 to 10' would
never be the same again.'

"Please note that we don't consider this a matter of genetics or
biology, but of Jewish socialization that provides unearned privileges
that normal Americans don't have. Of course it isn't your fault,
Roxanna, but it's important you understand that the purpose of Tourney
is nothing personal, just a question of allowing us a weekend where we
can really feel at home. Roxanna, do you understand now how we'll do
Scale of Justice?"

Roxanna answered, "Why don't a few others take their turn, and I'm
sure that I'll pick it up. Please just let me assure you that when we
Jews play `Pick a number from 1 to 10,' we choose a natural or counting
number, too. But right now, my main guessing game seems to be figuring
out which of your policy statements says what you mean."

Abigail stepped in, "Roxanna, the creative ambiguity, once you get
used to it, can be as fun as the golf during Tourney itself. In fact,
it's sort of become our way of celebrating Tourney year around. But
why don't we have Tanya go first with the Scale of Justice?

"I am an 8 -- you understand, Roxanna -- that 1 is total inclusion of
Jewish people, and a 10 is definitely keeping things as they are."

Roxanna nodded.

"Now I give my brief statement, which is this: I need to hear that
Gentile-Raised Americans or GRA have a right to draw this or any line,
and have it totally respected and revered -- without going quite so
far as to violate the Second Commandment against idiolatry, of
course. Now, Rabbi, maybe you've been involved in family counselling?"

"Not so much, but I have helped victims of domestic violence from time
to time."

"Well, then, you may be acquainted with the concept of defining
boundaries as a way to assert one's needs and stop abuse."

"Yes, Tanya, I'm familiar with that concept. The idea is that if we
can negotiate good boundaries with which we're both comfortable --
like how Jews should behave when we come to your Tourney, so that we
won't make you feel unsafe or violate your customs -- then that's
better than an arbitrary barrier like saying that no Jews are
welcome. And that seems to me just the way to go."

"Okay, Roxanna, but let me state my point again. I am an 8. I need to
hear that as GRA, we have a right to draw any line or set any boundary
however we like -- on the private land of our Association, of course --
and not get questioned or criticized for it, let alone bullied by
something like a boycott by people who don't understand the issues."

Abigail stepped in: "Now Roxanna, normally we'd move to the next
person, but since you're our special guest, we'll let you respond
briefly to Tanya, Remember, your goal is not to debate or change our
purpose, but to let her know that you hear her truth, and give some
constructive feedback."

Roxanna wryly smiled: "I hear you that you want to have your Association
be able to welcome only GRA and to set any boundary at all you want --
and my feedback is that you might be a hit in Tel Aviv, because Israel
has wanted to be able to set any geographical boundaries it chooses
for a long time! Just don't mention the part about private land, and
they might make you their next Ambassador to the UN! By the way, Jews
and Palestinian Arabs alike have a wide range of views on that
conflict, which seems almost simple compared to this one."


--------------------------------------------------------
5. It's nothing personal: Of Susanna and the Rabbi Akiba
--------------------------------------------------------

Abigail again moderated: "Now, Susanna, why don't you be next?"

Susanna spoke with confidence: "I am a 7. I need you all to affirm
that my conviction that Jewish citizens like Roxanna here are indeed
citizens, and my conviction that the purpose of Tournament is sacred
because it grants us GRA a unique and precious weekend of escape from
the burdens of being a member of an oppressed religious caste, are not
in any way contradictory, and do not make me anti-Semitic. And above
all, Roxanna, I need to know that you or other Jewish people won't
take any of this personally."

After a few moments of silence, Abigail guided: "Roxanna, it's fine to
take some time and process that, and in fact we encourage to you to do
just that, and then speak when you're ready."

It took about 30 seconds, and then Roxanna spoke: "As to not taking it
personally, we have the precedent of Rabbi Akiba, who I'm sure didn't
hold it at all personally against his Roman executioners. But would
you like a bit of feedback on the anti-Semitic part, Susanna?"

Susanna said, "Sure."

"Well, then, I totally hear and respect your intention to share your
ideas about Tourney and religious class or caste while avoiding any
anti-Semitism. But as to whether you've actually succeeded in your
good intention, maybe I have an unfair advantage in judging that as
someone who's actually been on the receiving end of a bit of
anti-Semitism now and then. Just a thought."

Abigail replied, "The religious caste thing may call for a bit more
explanation, because we think that it's one of our most important
points in understanding the whole picture of why, if I may be
permitted to borrow a phrase, this one weekend is different from all
other weekends."


------------------------------------------------
6. Of President Julie Johansen and Proposition 8
------------------------------------------------

At that point, a statuesque woman entered wearing some striking and
beautiful jewelry. All including Roxanna admired both her assured step
and her pendants.

"Oh, you must be Rabbi Stone! I'm Julie Johansen, the President of
Fernhurst. Welcome to our club and to Partners In Empathy!"

Roxanna replied, "Roxanna is fine, President Johansen..."

"And likewise Julie is fine with me, Roxanna."

"But I've read your latest policy a number of times, and Abigail has
helpfully read some of the main highlights again so that I'm sure that
I remembered it correctly. And I wonder, what's the big problem here?
Surely you either wrote or approved that statement, and it makes it
clear that Jews contribute to your event and are a plus. Everyone here
seems to be debating some kind of `purpose' that seems about as
relevant as Proposition 8 in California, laws against consensual
sodomy (which have unconstitutional in the U.S.A. since 2003), or
maybe the Eighteenth Amendment authorizing prohibition. What gives?"

Julie replied, "Of course I authorized that statement, and give you
full credit, Roxanna, for reading it and getting your facts straight
to that degree. But the important difference here is that the
Eighteenth Amendment got repealed by the Twenty-First Amendment (a
good name for at least one bar, last I checked); and the sodomy laws
and Proposition 8 got ruled unconstitutional. We are on private land,
and as I'm sure you've heard by now, we both enjoy and claim the
right to invite anyone we want to our fantastic weekend. Where in our
statement do we say that we have changed the purpose of Tournament?"

Roxanna responded a bit passionately: "But Julie, surely your word
means something, and you said that Jews not only come to Tourney, live
Tweet it, and serve on your maintenance crew, but that they `come to
support and improve, not take away from, our American-focused
culture.' Now since you're a woman of your word, that logically means
that whatever your purpose says, it doesn't mean that we're not
welcome if we behave appropriately -- much like Rachel, Leah, Bilhal,
and Zilpah were all welcomed into our family of Judaism, and indeed
all became Jewish Matriarchs.

"Let me tell you a legal rule that might help here to cut through some
of the ambiguity that I think is not creative ambiguity but hurtful
ambiguity. If a state Supreme Court interprets a statute, then the
Supreme Court of the United States or SCOTUS will take it as if the
text were whatever that State's High Court says it means. So if it's a
statute that punishes certain sex acts between adults without
mentioning lack of consent, but the State High Court says that it
applies only to nonconsensual conduct or public sex acts where minors
or others might be unconsenting witnesses, then SCOTUS will read it as
not criminalizing private, consensual sex.

"The same with your purpose. A reasonable person -- Jew or non-Jew --
would assume that your purpose says the focus is on the Lutherans or
other Christians, but your latest statement clarifies that Jews are
welcome as long as they are sensitive to that focus and support it
rather than `taking away from it.' And unless you think we Jews carry
leprosy or incurable cooties, a few of us as guests should hardly
cause problems."

Julie let silence persist for a few seconds, not looking entirely
pleased. "Roxanna, I know that you rabbis are great with words and
legal arguments, but I can't help feeling that you're engaging in a
bit of a policy debate rather than fully attuning yourself to the
spirit of our exercise in listening. Abigail, how has it gone so far?"

"Julie, it's generally gone fine, and I should say in Roxanna's
defense that she really wants to stop this boycott, and just doesn't
yet understand why we need to draw our boundaries the way we do. Our
latest policy statement is subject to many interpretations, Roxanna,
and you aren't the only person -- Jew or Gentile-Raised American -- to
read it the way you do. But the important point is that as a member of
a privileged rather than oppressed minority, you can help us educate
your sister and brother Jews and others about why a boycott is wrong
regardless of what we decide about our purpose.

"Julie, we're doing our usual Scale of Justice exercise, and your input
next might be just right. But first, I notice that Roxanna seems
curious about your pendants, as all of our new guests tend to be."

Julie relaxed again, "Roxanna, what do you think these pendants are?"

"Well, they look like a bit like silver letters."

Julie: "Roman numerals, actually, for the number 55."

Roxanna displayed a kind of Mona Lisa smile: "Oy, you're a number 55
on a scale of 1 to 10? Does that mean you're in favor of my being
tried by the Spanish Inquisition?"

Julie was actually amused, "No, no, and of course we're a totally
peaceful club and event, unlike the powers that be in this country
that police by force. It means 1955, the year that our Association was
founded, and we started to shape and grow this beautiful weekend that
we enjoy each year. Just like you Jews have your Diaspora, we have
ours, with our tribe returning to our homeland for that one weekend.
But let's get to where I actually am on the Scale of Justice.


------------------------------------------------
7. Of citizenship, nationality, and intelligence 
------------------------------------------------

"I am a 9. I need to hear that making our Tourney a unique experience
reserved for Americans is not based on prejudice or animus -- and you
should know that I'm a full supporter of marriage equality -- but on a
desire for recreation in every sense, to relax in the company of those
who have shared the American way of life in an often hierarchical and
oppressive society. We're in the great tradition of the Progressive
Era a century ago, and of the Farmer-Labor Party -- although, of
course, Tourney is a nonpartisan event and officially has no political
affiliation. But Roxanna and all, I especially need to hear that
strongly affirming that Jewish citizens are citizens, and joining in
this dialogue, does not lessen my commitment to American-only space."

Abigail resumed her role as facilitator: "Roxanna, as our guest, I'll
again not only permit but encourage you to take as much time as you
need to process that, and then offer a response."

A minute or so later, Roxanna had finished her processing: "I hear
that you think we Jewish citizens of the U.S.A. are citizens -- but
I'm getting that somehow we're not quite American. Of course, many
people in Mexico and other Latin American countries feel that using
the term `American' to mean the U.S.A. is presumptuous or Gringoesque
at best, while those of us aware of the Turtle Island Holocaust since
1492 -- which sort of paved the way for the one my people faced in
Europe -- feel that `America' is a European name for continents where
we are only guests. But you seem very comfortable with `American' or
`Gentile-Raised American' as your identity, so I'm a bit puzzled why
we Jewish citizens of the U.S.A. wouldn't be Americans and belong at
your all-American Tourney."

Julie replied swiftly and with confidence: "Roxanne, it's not our
business to say whether any individual person such as yourself comes
within our purpose. We place that onus on you, and if you come, we
won't turn anyone away. And we never question anyone's nationality.
But please understand that by American, we mean a person with normal
Gentile socialization, as opposed to a member of what we call the
Dominant Religious Caste In America or DRCIA. You can pronounce that
`Doctor CIA,' which we hope you'll take in the right way: a tribute to
your skills at intelligence in all senses, going back at least to the
Book of Joshua.

"This is nothing personal, but we know that Jews have disproportionate
influence in the media and in financial institutions, and we believe
that the common experiences of a normal American childhood, without
the benefit of this extra privilege, are the essence of our Tourney.
Also, in addition to all your other DRCIA privileges, you have all
kinds of separate Jewish events which we don't intrude on."

Roxanna replied politely, the politeness requiring some effort: "In
fact, if you like, I'd be glad to invite any or all of you to a seder
for Pesach or Passover next year. One of our big Jewish values is
hospitality, especially when we make a public statement that people
are welcome. But on this Doctor CIA thing, I wonder how many `DRCIA
privileges' you think the young Jewish women -- and Italian women --
had who died in the Triangle Shirtwaist Fire in 1911, for example."

This time Abigail responded: "As to those women, they were indeed poor
Jews, rather like unicorns or special snowflakes. But we can't help
seeing the DRCIA role of Jews in the military-industrial complex, in
science and math and engineering, and of course in the mass media. 
It's nothing personal, it's a question of protecting the uniqueness of
Tourney as we've built it for the last 60 years."

Julie dovetailed in: "Roxanna, you need to ask what would happen if we
had a truly Jewish-inclusive event; not only the local effects, but
the implications for our country at large. We could no longer have
holidays like Christmas and Easter, and would have to stop singing
Christmas carols. We could no longer enjoy our famous humor during
Tourney about foreigners and foreign countries and travel stories. And
we'd have to scrap our Constitution and Bill of Rights and Supreme
Court, and instead have the Torah, Talmud, and Sanhedrin. Now wouldn't
it be less than honest -- and I know, Rabbi, that you seek truth and
honesty -- for us to advertise a `Jewish-inclusive' event when in fact
our Tourney remains American-focused?"


------------------------------------------------
8. Free speech reigns supreme: 2012 and all that
------------------------------------------------

Roxanna replied, "Now, Julie, my purpose here is not necessarily to
debate or change your policy, only to understand what it is, because
the people to whom I'm responsible need to know on which side of the
picket line we belong. This American-focused thing, which also appears
in your latest statement, is a bit puzzling. We know that Jews are
only about 6.7 million out of over 300 million people in this country,
or about 2.1%, as of 2012. How does that threaten to `erase' the
Gentile-Raised American majority, as you call it?"

Tanya enthusiastically jumped in, "Abigail, she mentioned 2012, so may
I tell her about the wonderful exercise in the best First Amendment
tradition we had that year?" Abigail nodded.

"We had a tremendous show of support for our purpose by people all
wearing the colors of our American flag, with armbands and patches
saying `From Sea to Shining Sea'! That was a message that we won't
stop anyone who insists on attending, but that we don't appreciate the
kind of inconsiderate Jews who simply can't take `No' for an answer.
Our biggest problem is that we had GRA wearing these Stars of David,
which was not only showing disrespect for our purpose on the part of
people who should understand it best, but also what you should be
objecting to, Roxanna -- cultural appropriation, the harmful idea that
anyone can simply say `I am an American' or `I am a Jew' and make it
so!"

Roxanna kept her calm with great effort: "What we call those non-Jews
wearing those Stars of David are `righteous gentiles,' like some of
the people who risked or gave their lives to save us during the
European Holocaust. It's true that converting to Judaism is a very
serious thing, and we try to make sure that anyone thinking of that is
making a truly informed decision. But if they do make that decision,
we welcome them with open arms -- they're now Jews just as much I am!
And some of us at least used to think that that's the American way
too, because America is about freedom of choice. That's why your
`Religious Caste' thing sounds reactionary to me, because we want
people to have freedom of choice, even while urging them to use it
very carefully."

Abigail now showed her expertise in the lore of Tourney: "Roxanna,
I'll level with you. In your case, your Judaism isn't the only
complicating factor, because we understand that you were born in
Canada, and are not what we understand as an American, which means an
American-Born-American. You may be a citizen of the U.S.A., but you're
a foreign citizen, and that's not the focus of Tourney."

Roxanna, surprised but not too shocked, responded: "That's quite true,
but I've been a citizen for most of my life; my Mom was from Detroit,
and I was born in Toronto. And I got my American identity and culture
from her -- so I'm an American-Born-of-an-American, at any rate, not
that I favor any of these confusing tests. If you're a citizen of the
country, then that's your nationality. There are also things like dual
citizenship or stateless people, and as a rabbi I'm involved in
counselling people in those situations, who teach me a lot about being
human and coping with all kinds of problems. Your Tourney would be
better for their coming, as well as us Jews."


----------------------------------------------------------------
9. "Geography-Not-Nationality": Border-critical internationalism
----------------------------------------------------------------

Abigail replied, "Roxanna, you're a typical liberal who thinks that
`American' is some kind of identity. But we say it isn't, it's a
concrete reality that you either have or you don't. Although this
isn't a requirement for a GRA to attend Tourney, we're mostly what we
call Border-Critical Internationists -- or, when we really feel safe
and can speak freely, Migrant-Critical Internationalists. We want to
abolish all borders, and let everyone grow up and live their lives
without any national stereotypes or expectations of the kind that you
seem so much to value, which makes you and other Jews who want to
attend Tourney or else to boycott it a very big part of the problem.

"We believe in `Geography-Not-Nationality.' Being an American simply
means being born in America, and that can't change for any person. All
that you and other migrants do -- that doesn't end national oppression
or stereotyping in any way -- is learn and reinforce stereotypes about
what it's supposedly like to be born and grow up in America without
Jewish privilege. Of course, you can't ever know, no matter what
advanced technologies you use to violate our national borders and
establish your unwanted presence, just as you'd like to do at our
Tourney.

"In fact, some of us have recently written a letter to the
International Olympic Committee about how this nationality thing gone
wild is producing unfair competition, because where you're born or
grow up, and the elevation there, can affect lung capacity and thus
competitiveness. We favor medical tests for lung capacity, and
disqualification of athletes who are migrating and using their new
naturalized citizenship to gain extra advantages in the Olympic trials
of their new country -- or actually the country where they're aliens
and foreigners, no matter how thick the so-called `citizenship papers'
they can show us."

The Rabbi seemed to relax a bit. "You speak of abolishing all borders
and nations -- and I'd think that part of that process would be
blurring of borders, and more freedom of travel so that people coming
from different cultures and childhoods can learn from each other. So
my family might be part of that process, and also the Jews who can
come to Tourney under your new policy statement, whatever you do about
your purpose in theory."

Julie immediately filled the silence, "No, abolishing borders means
first challenging the rule of the DRCIA, which means overturning the
Jewish privilege that you not only won't give up, as your refusal to
respect our boundaries proves, but in fact can't give up! If we let
things get blurred, then how would we go about our paramount task of
knowing who's enjoying privilege and who's oppressed? We'd all be
confused, and we'd end up maybe having everyone living what they
thought was some `unique nationality,' rather than no one having any
nationality at all. A planet full of special snowflakes and unicorns
is not what we're after!"

Roxanna asked, "If you want to abolish nationality, how about learning
and speaking Esperanto, for example?"

Abigail responded: "No, we're here as GRA to celebrate our unique
culture, not to adopt some lowest common denominator that anyone could
choose. But we do respect your nationality by calling you a citizen of
the U.S.A. However, we can't let you erase the proper meaning of
`American,' so you're a foreign citizen outside of our chosen
purpose."


-----------------------------------------------
10. At long last, policy clarification -- maybe
-----------------------------------------------

Roxanna quickly queried, "Julie, or Abigail, why in the world then did
you release that latest policy statement about how Jews are a routine
part of Tourney, about how we help on your maintenance crew, and how
we add to rather than take away from your cultural focus? You said it,
I didn't. Why not just have said that you won't turn anyone away, but
your purpose is to have GRA-only attendance. Honestly, that would mean
that lots of Jews and allies would be boycotting you, but at least
there would have been honest communication. And people could decide,
in the words of a labor song that lots of us Jews know: `Which side
are you on?'"

Abigail answered: "This isn't official, but we write policy statements
to minimize any risk of violence, and to do whatever is in the best
interest of Tourney. It's ambiguous. Lots of us read the statement to
say that Jews are there, so we're not doing any kind of discrimination
that violates the law (even apart from the fact that we're on private
land); but we're actually so tolerant that we let intrusive Jews not
only attend, but even serve on our maintenance crews and use our WiFi
facilities and so forth."

Roxanna replied, "But if they're intruders, how can they be adding to
rather than taking away from the event? That sounds either like you
changed you mind between then and your position now that we aren't
welcome, or else you've adopted Orwell's 1984 as your training
manual."

Tanya chimed in brightly, "Roxanna, given your Talmudic bent, I think
you'll appreciate the answer lots of us have arrived at, but we ask
that you keep this absolutely confidential! What Jewish boundary
violators `add to, rather than take away from' Tourney is the chance
for our legitimate attendees to encounter the DRCIA at first hand,
learn how persistent you are whether you're violating our geographic
boundaries or transgressing them psychologically by trying to
negotiate them with us, and also exercise our free speech with our
American flag colors and songs and planning each year how best to
embarrass you and make you feel unwelcome for being so insensitive. 

"And by coming, you are raising attendance and in your strange way
supporting the event, because drama can draw a box office. You're
showing why you never were and never could be a real American -- not
that you could be in any event. But we do honor and much appreciate
our Jews and other foreign citizens who are sensitive enough to know
that they don't belong, whatever we say in some public statement
designed to find out who's culturally clueless enough to take us
literally and think we might actually change our purpose."


-----------------------------
11. The Rabbi does her number
-----------------------------

Abigail, as facilitator, took the helm: "I understand that this
interlude has been useful for our guest to get a better idea of where
we're at, but I'd like to finish our Scale of Justice exercise. 
Roxanna, why don't you speak next?"

The Rabbi paused a few seconds, then began: "I am a 3. What Jane
Goodall said seems true to me for Jews and non-Jews also, at Tourney
or anywhere else: I prefer some chimpanzees to some humans, but some
humans to some chimpanzees!"

Abigail stepped in: "Roxanna, you're our guest, so I'll indulge you in
your last remark, which nicely gets your Jewish point of view across.
But I'd like to ask you, or anyone else, simply to say your number,
and then tell us what truth you need to have heard."

"I am a 3. I need you to hear that I am in ethical stress, or maybe
ethical limbo, trying to figure out how you can say that Jews `add to,
rather than take away from, our American-focused culture,' and yet
that we are boundary violators. Where is hospitality?"


-----------------------------------------------
12. Wherein Nancy proclaims the children's hour
-----------------------------------------------

Abigail allowed ten seconds or so of respectful silence, then
continued, "Nancy, you're next to last in our circle, and thanks for
your patience."

Nancy began: "I am a 9 on the scale, and my message is very simple.
Nothing is more precious to me than my experience of growing up in
America, or more important than sharing that experience with my
children, who love sports and this beautiful estate we share each
year, in an environment that offers both the perception and reality of
safety that we couldn't find anywhere else. And I need to know that
I'm not being anti-Semitic for saying this."

There was a long and troubled silence, until Julie raised her voice,
"Nancy, we hear you, and I'm sorry that I have to explain this point
to Roxanna because she seems incapable of grasping it. For someone
who's a foreigner, who's geographically an alien, to come to our
country is bad enough: changing your nationality rather than claiming
your right to develop culturally however you want where you belong,
and being a good ally to us in abolishing all borders! But to migrate,
and then claim to be not a foreign citizen (which we'll accept, as
much as we dislike all this national identity stuff) but a real
`American,' misses Nancy's whole point.

"If a foreign Jew -- foreign by geography as well as religion and
culture -- can become a real `American,' then that would mean that the
experience of American childhood and socialization is totally
meaningless. I can't believe, Roxanna, that you really mean to say
that to Nancy and her children -- that you mean totally to erase their
aspects of childhood experience that only GRA can share."

Abigail then spoke with a softer tone, "Julie, I don't think that
Roxanna really means to do that -- although it is just what she's
doing by not respecting our boundaries! We do need a bit of balance
here. Roxanna, we have two important values about these delicate
issues, and it's important to consider them both.

"The first value is CHILDHOOD MATTERS, and that's what Nancy and Julie
are saying. The second is CHILDHOOD IS NOT DESTINY. We know that some
adult socialization or resocialization can occur, which is one reason
that we honor you as a foreign citizen of the U.S.A., and believe that
of course as a Jew you deserve a safe place to live, freedom from
discrimination, and the human rights that any of us have. But there's
a simple way to keep these values balanced.

"Just understand that CHILDHOOD MATTERS applies here, there, and
everywhere, as the Beatles might say. CHILDHOOD IS NOT DESTINY applies
everywhere but here, that is, everywhere but on this estate during our
precious one weekend each year for Tourney."


---------------------------------------------------------------------
13. Our Rabbi is praised for eschewing the snares of the Twitterverse 
---------------------------------------------------------------------

"Now before we get to Betty, our last person in the circle, I do want
to commend you, Roxanna, on one thing. You've set a good example, as
befits a woman of faith, by avoiding some of the insulting terms so
popular in the Twitterverse. That meets one aspect of what we said in
our statement that you seem to enjoy quoting so much: Join the
dialogue, not the diatribe."

Roxanna asked: "Could you give me an idea -- and I don't want to get
in your way, Betty, because I'm sure you have something important for
us to hear -- what kinds of things go on in the Twitterverse?"

Julie replied: "Very quickly -- and I know that as a Rabbi and a
generally decent person apart from being too gung-ho about this
nationality stuff, you wouldn't do this yourself -- one thing they
like to Tweet a lot is the slur Jewish Exclusionary Recreation Club,
or JERC for short. And despite our really serious concerns about what
you're doing, we almost feel at times like you could be one of us --
we've heard that you have an almost-American love of long walks, and
have consistently been wearing comfortable walking shoes your entire
adult life. That's a mitigating factor. It doesn't make you a real
American, but does avoid setting a bad example for those of us who
are, and especially our children, who need to know that it's fine for
them to be physically active."


---------------------------------------------------------
14. Last but not least, Betty: The limits of the possible
---------------------------------------------------------

Then Julie shifted focus: "But Betty, you've been so, so, patient!"

Betty was ready: "I am an 8. What I need to hear is that my need to
enjoy an all-American event is not anti-Semitic, and I also need it
affirmed that it is neither morally nor psychologically impossible for
non-Americans like Roxanna here -- and please note that I said
non-Americans, not un-Americans, so you know that your loyalty as a
foreign citizen is not in question -- to respect our boundaries by not
attending Tournament; trying to change our policy or cook up clever
`live and let live' schemes to accommodate you at Tourney that force
us to negotiate new boundaries when our whole point is to avoid that;
or, last but not least, trying to destroy our community by unleashing
some Weapon of Mass Instruction like a nonviolent boycott."

Roxanna replied: "With all due respect, I certainly can meet your need
to hear that you don't intend to be anti-Semitic, and that it is
indeed possible for a Jew or other naturalized citizen of this country
to behave as you suggest. In fact, I'd suggest you take up the idea
immediately with the CIA."

Julie: "You're a member of the DRCIA, so likely the best judge if
Betty's need could have any national security benefits. We'd like to
hear more about that."

Roxanna: "Well, you're asking me to endure what I see as an injustice
against my people and myself -- not to mention our allies among the
non-Jews at Tourney -- and neither attend as your public statement
says would `add to, rather than subtract from," your event; nor try
peacefully to negotiate a change which affects things as little as
possible while allowing you to extend the hospitality you've announced
in public; nor exercise any human being's right nonviolently to walk
away and invite others to weigh what your inhospitality is doing and
whether they want to support that.

"What occurred to me is that such powerlessness might be a kinder,
gentler form of `enhanced interrogation' for Guantanamo."

Julie: "You can say that, but we know that in fact respecting our
boundaries is easy for Jews and other foreign citizens who are members
of groups such as Migrant Messengers. In fact, we've arranged for them
to come at the time of our Tourney and stay at a resort on adjacent
land with lots of amenities including a miniature golf course, so that
they can have their own Tourney. They emphasize all the time that they
are non-Americans who support our purpose, and we support them --
including a number of Jews. So there's absolutely no anti-Semitism
involved, just a desire to keep this event truly American."

Roxanna: "But if you trust these people on adjacent land, and admire
them, why not invite them to Tourney?"

Abigail: "The reason is because any perceptive person not overcome by
passion or this national-identity illusion knows that
separate-but-equal is totally ridiculous. Soon enough, even if you
didn't, we'd have some of our other Jewish boundary violators
demanding that we give up golf and play some version of stickball or
the like, print our programs in Yiddish or Hebrew or whatever, and so
on. Why not try the Akron Athletic Club Open; that has a wide
attendance, and any citizen of the U.S.A. is fully included?"

Roxanna: "Well, I'd love to visit Akron, except that Ohio, unlike
Minnesota, still has the death penalty and recently has carried out a
number of executions, some notoriously botched. Please note that I'm
boycotting not the Akron Athletic Club, but only the State of Ohio.
Minnesota, of course, abolished the death penalty in 1911."

Betty: "Hey, Roxanna, maybe we and Akron should consider trading the
locations of our two events."

There was a bit of comic relief all around, with Abigail speaking
next: "Seriously, of course, most Jewish boundary violators aren't
quite so strongly against the death penalty, even though there is a
lot of Jewish opinion against it (and I agree with them there), so
they'd just cause problems for us in Akron rather than here."


-------------------------------------------------------------
15. Wherein the ACLU, as usual, champions the First Amendment
-------------------------------------------------------------

Julie took the floor: "As President, I have some good news and bad
news. The ACLU has assured us that we have a First Amendment right to
do whatever we want on private land, and that wearing American flag
colors or singing disapproving songs or handing out Henry Ford's
famous articles in the Dearborn Independent about guess which group of
foreign citizens are fully protected by the First Amendment as long we
stay peaceful, as we always do. And we'll have plenty of security at
Tourney to control anyone who wants to get physical -- as tempting as
that is when people claim so-called `identities' with no material
basis at all!

"Now the bad news is that ACLU also said that foreign citizens,
non-Americans, and their minions have a right under the First
Amendment to express their opinion by boycotting or by attending under
our policy that we question no person's birthplace or nationality. And
what's worse, they've signed onto the boycott. That's not so
surprising, though, when we consider who's in charge of the ACLU --
the DRCIA, of course!"

Roxanna filled the following silence: "One thing bothers me about all
this. You're boasting publicly about Jewish people on your maintenance
crew, who are not only attending, but helping to make the whole thing
possible. Don't they deserve some kind of welcome, rather than to be
treated like trespassers or boundary violators? Isn't what you're
doing a bit like having 11 million or however many undocumented
immigrants who are often essential to our economy, but are not quite
worth providing with any path to citizenship?"

Tanya offered a speedy riposte: "Fernhurst isn't a country, it's a
country club! And it's only one weekend each year. Is that too much to
ask?"

Julie carried on: "And Roxanna, I mean this as a compliment: surely,
as a religious leader and a scholar, you could spend that weekend
enjoyably doing something more edifying than darkening our admission
turnstile and violating our boundaries -- how about a Talmudic debate
on whether it's possible for an observant Jewish vegan to break the
laws of kosher?"

The Rabbi mused for a moment, then smiled: "This is just a parting
kvetch. One of you mentioned the safety of your children, and that
plus all the talk about only one weekend each year reminds me of a
saying we had during Anita Bryant's `Save Our Children' thing: `A day
without human rights would be like a day without sunshine.' Of course,
thank you for this opportunity to join with you in dialogue and get a
better idea of where things are, which is now quite clear."

More and more people started to gather their belongings; as they did,
Roxanna moved toward the door and spoke a blessing in Hebrew.

Abigail asked, "Roxanna, is that some prayer for our benefit?"

"Yes, Abigail, it's a traditional Jewish blessing for this house and
all who enter therein. It's one way of letting you know that if we do
have that boycott, I won't be doing it to hurt or punish you or anyone
who chooses to come to Tourney, only to let people know what your
purpose is and leave them free to make an informed decision."

Julie said, "Of we course we totally disagree with your whole ideology
on this, but we do respect you for opposing the use of threats or
violence or secondary boycotts against our suppliers or the jazz bands
and others who provide our evening entertainment, etc. To that degree,
you do understanding something of the American way."

Roxanna again smiled, as she took hold of the door knob and prepared
to exit. "And there's another reason for the blessing also: it may
help protect me on the way out so that the door doesn't hit me in the
tuchus. Blessings on you and your families; see you on the other side
of the picket line, if there is one -- and Mazel Tov!"

14 October 2014